Feb

Merry Christmas

I stumbled across this entry I wrote on my phone whilst slowly making my way from where I was to our agreed dinner place. It was such a beautiful piece I thought to share.

Dated: 24th December 2011

For once in a really long time, I had some time to myself to write. I wish I had my laptop to take all these emotions down. It would be one of the best pieces in a long while as I remained oblivious of the crowd that whizzes pass me.

I took to typing on my phone’s memo for fear that all these will be gone when I leave on one of the trains that will take me to my destination. At the moment, I am merely sitting with my ipod plugged in whilst the doors beeped shut in the background. The howling sound of the arriving and departing trains lifted my wanderlusting spirit. Its been a while since I stood still and merely soaked in the sounds of trains unperturbed by whatever that is mounting at the back of my head. Trains have taken me places all over the world and I have wonderful and bad memories all in. The bad ones simply accentuates the beautiful ones. It is amazing that at the spot I am sitting for 30 minutes, I see a familiar face and I became temporal company to an otherwise likely mundane ride. The train took the passengers with him and a new bunch of them began drifting to the platform and awaiting his arrival to bring them to their destination. When they leave the platform, history is created.

The year practically flew by in front of me. Every time this year, I’ll be melancholic. Maybe its the weather. Weather or not, the fact that we are all aging have been scaring me quite a bit. Especially of the fact that my parents are closer to leaving me. We have grown closer as time passes, its not that we haven’t before, just that now, love is immensely intense. So intense that when I thought of their departure, I will cry, trembling in fear and having trouble finding my next mouth of breathe. I know for sure I’ll become dizzy and faint and even suspect I may go into depression. That’s how intense my love for them have become. I know than that I had to find a partner because I would just throw my life away with their demise. That shall be my new years resolution 2012.

I’ve had a very fulfilling 2011. I did what I set out to do and am happy with myself. It will be a year come 9th January that I promised to take my heart back from him after 6 long years. I am not going to regret what I did which made me blinded to all the chances along the way. It is true I didn’t have the guts to tell him how I felt but its not going to something I regret not doing. After all, I might lose a friend if he hadn’t felt the slightest bit the same.

I do hope 2012 will be a year I will improve on what I left on in 2011. Maybe brush upon the bits and pieces of language skills I picked up. I remain excited about what lies ahead at the midpoint of 2012; I do know I want to travel by than.

Wanderlusting… As I sat in this Italian restaurant, I felt like I was transported to Italy. It is raining outside so the rise in temperature when I stepped in was welcoming. If only it was snowing outside, it would have been my perfect Christmas dream. Company was going to be late. The food served behind me is making me famished. This is going to be the best Christmas girls night out ever. A pity Serena and Chermaine are not here. I await with eagerness Amy and Louisa’s arrival and the food of course!

Merry Christmas!

101 days ago Short URL 1 Comment

Cogitation/Happy Thoughts/Time

Feb

12 years on…

Here I am sitting at the train station on a Friday, again. Also waiting for the train that goes in the exact same direction. This time unlike the last I am unsure if I’m going to board the train.

I must say the sight and sound of the cycle of closing train door to clear the platform of passengers, the passengers gradually filing the platform, the train’s arrival and departure soothes my soul, yet again.

Its been 12 years since that very faithful day. I thought it had all been buried so deep and close to being forgotten. I was wrong when daddy brought it all up after alighting my brother at school and on the drive to work. I still remember the details very vividly. The night we were watching tv when… The day I broke down in school when I had to reveal the ugliest of me to justify the counseling I thought I need. I never got it because I was thought of as tough. Yes, though I was not, I had to be. Like Wendy in Peter Pan who wished she never had to grow up, grow up I did; faster than I had wished for.

The path I took had been tough and like daddy said “we’ve all come a long way…” But compared to those who couldn’t walk, couldn’t speak, couldn’t see, we are definitely more fortunate. Amazingly, we all pulled through, remained stronger as a family and are rightful stars in the sky. We are more aware that without the sun, the moon cannot be seen, the sky would never be the same even if the stars were twinkling.

If I had to go through life again, I would want the same set of parents. I want to tumble where I fell. I want to experience being in the pits. I have no regrets going through life like I did because on hindsight everything happened for a reason. I don’t deny wondering on occasions “why does it have to be me?” But I believe it had made me the unique individual I am.

In life we need to receive a number of knocks before one succeed. Just keep on trying. Need to believe what you do is right and everything will be in order. -Daddy

106 days ago Short URL Comments

Cogitation

Feb

The Heart Sings

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us – I can live only wholly with you or not at all – Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits – Yes, unhappily it must be so – You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart – never – never – Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life – Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men – At my age I need a steady, quiet life – can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day – therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once – Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together – Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell. Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

-Ludwig van Beethoven, The Immortal Beloved Letters

109 days ago Short URL Comments

Inspiring Speeches

Feb

What If…

The baby you have is the baby you’re destined to have. Its meant to be. What if one little thing I said could have made it all fall apart? What if I chosen another life for myself or another person we might not have found each other? What if I have been raised differently what if my mother hadn’t been sick what if I actually have a good father? What if… What if… What if… -Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy Season 8

Life is full of what ifs… What if I weren’t born the eldest? What if I hadn’t gone to a girls’ school for 10 years? What if I had done better for my PSLE? What if I hadn’t been a prefect in primary school? What if I hadn’t been steadfast in my dreams? What if I hadn’t gone to SA? What if that incident didn’t happen? What if I hadn’t gone to law school? What if I had sent that emailed? What if I never borrowed the bb charger? What if…

My life would have been very different every step of the way, that I’m sure. At a cross road but feeling like I’ve exhausted remnants of my energy. I wish I knew what the future brings for me to make an informed decision right now.

109 days ago Short URL Comments

Random Musings

Feb