Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us – I can live only wholly with you or not at all – Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits – Yes, unhappily it must be so – You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart – never – never – Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life – Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men – At my age I need a steady, quiet life – can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day – therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once – Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together – Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell. Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

-Ludwig van Beethoven, The Immortal Beloved Letters

Somehow talking to L that day made me read this all over again. Funnily he thought its a recent commonwealth essay winning entry by a RGS girl but after a search, it turned out to be the same I read years ago.

It made me recall all the promises I made after I read that. I’m closer to being the protagonist but I’m thankful I’ve not lost the human touch to the point that I would treat my parents that way.

For those that have, I wish you’d do some reflection especially given that this is written by a 15 year old.

What the Modern Woman Wants
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seatbelt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, ‘Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.’

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. ‘Finance’ ‘Liquidation”Assets’ ‘Investments’… Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.

The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.

‘I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!’ Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.

‘I can’t DEAL with this anymore!’ she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat.

The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.

‘Sorry, Ma,’ she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. ‘I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.’

The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.

Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother’s wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look.

The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.

‘Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.’

Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn’t name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for ‘networking’, Chinese ones
being easily forgotten.

‘Oh no, I can’t see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.’

Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother’s silence meant she did not comprehend.

‘Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!’

The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.

The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple’s roof. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall.

Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother’s side.

‘Ma, I’ll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,’ she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.

The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods.

Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success. What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.

The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes.

She bowed once more.

The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.

Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.

Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.

She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.

She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu; old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be ‘modern’, a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.

Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl’s roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother’s values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the
ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her daughter be happy.

She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there – down.

The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar.

Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty soulless shell at the altar.

The old lady watched her joss tick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.

Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.

Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder.

She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter’s face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.

They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.

‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. ‘I don’t know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we’d prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves…’

The old woman nodded knowingly.

Bee Choo swallowed hard. ‘We’d get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once the maid is gone, there won’t be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won’t be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There’s one near Hougang – it’s a Christian home, a very nice one.’

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.

‘I’ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It’s beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you’d be happier there.’

‘You’d be happier there, really.’ Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.

This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.

‘Ma?’ her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother. ‘Is everything okay?’

What had to be done, had to be done. ‘Yes,’ she said firmly, louder than she intended, ‘if it will make you
happy,’ she added more quietly.

‘It’s for you, Ma! You’ll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.’ Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.

‘I knew everything would be fine.’

Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had
everything a modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love, Power and now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down…

Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. ‘Stocks 10% increase!’ Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for
her…

And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.

May 31 2011
Courtney Boyd Myers
THE TOP 5 REGRETS PEOPLE HAVE ON THEIR DEATHBED

When Ms. Bronnie Ware, a woman who worked for years with the dying, wrote a list of the top 5 regrets people say aloud on their deathbed, we teared up a little bit here at TNW.

She posted the top 5 regrets along with her commentary on her website, and we’ve recopied them for you here below. But instead of just the grandmotherly bits of advice about dreams having gone unfulfilled, we’ve supplemented each regret with some rockstar advice on how to not have these regrets in the digital age.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have sillyness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Lately, I have been so soaked up with work that even simple things like these amazes me.

Three simple rules:
1. If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
2. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
3. If you don’t step forward, you’ll always be in the same spot.

Just when I need it; the inspiration, motivation and desire to cross boundaries. Its been a while since I practised 2. as I haven’t been traveling and the learning curve has started to plateau. I am now simply doing, not learning but asking has always been inherent so I’m not worried.

Now to take the first step forward to go after what I want.

“Even from my sick bed, even if you are going to lower me into the grave and I feel something is going wrong, I will get up.”

Only the Great can say this!

I recalled the first book I borrowed from my school library in Primary 1, it was a book on the family history of our Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew. It still amazes me how this individual can have such an impact on a 7 year old. Fast forward 17 years later, I got my first LKY book from Jeremy as a gift for pushing him in getting his resume submitted that resulted in a better paying job. It is indeed a book I am going to treasure for a long time because it is the last of three books that had gone through the hands of the man himself. Most importantly he holds a Godly place in my heart.

He puts me in awe in many ways; still flying at the age of 87 to visit diplomats from all around the world, grasping the microphone and addressing the crowd in Chinese after none of his GRC team did, acts after acts of a true politician. Despite it all, he hasn’t neglected his wife and family.

Reading the foreword to the book Lee Kuan Yew Hard Truths To Keep Singapore Going reaffirmed the worries I had despite belonging to the group below the age of 35, thought to be unaware of the vulnerability but I am, especially after I traveled the world in the midst of terrorists threats. Often on the bus or underground in London, I wondered if I am going be a victim of another terrorist attacks. The country I call home is not exposed to natural disasters like Japan did recently but it is vulnerable because of its geographical location, size and lack of resources. Seeing and hearing all the negative voices during the elections made me wonder if the younger generation today are indeed naive of or takes for granted the threats we face. Where had all the education we went through gone to? I’ve said enough. I shall leave you with this excerpt from the book.

Foreword

My abiding concern for Singapore arises from my belief that the younger generation, especially those below 35, had never seen the harsh economic conditions. They therefore do not know the threats we face form neighbouring countries. For example, on our National Day, 9 August 1991, the Malaysia and the Indonesian armed forces held joint exercises at Kota Tinggi with parachute drops. Hence we mobilized our forces, in addition to forces parading for the National Day celebrations. I did not believe they wanted to invade us, but they wanted to intimidate and con us, so that we know our place at the bottom of the pecking order in the region. We need a sturdy, strong and capable SAF, not only to defend Singapore but return blow for blow when necessary. If we do not have a strong SAF, we are vulnerable to all kinds of pressures, from both Malaysia and Indonesia.

To have such an SAF, we need a robust economy that is not easily put off-course by external shocks. The economy needs constant renewal of its structure and of the type of industries and services it attracts, those that require higher skills to match a better educated population. We have been successful for the present in attracting investments. So we have had to bring in immigrants and foreign workers from Malaysia, china, Indian and the region. If we do not have these immigrants and foreign workers, the economic opportunities will pass us by. To miss these investments would be stupid. Every major investment strengthens and expands the base of our economy and makes it less likely that we will be badly affected by a downturn in any particular sector.

The economy and defence are closely interlinked. Without strong economic growth, we cannot keep up the kind of 3G SAF, one that every few years has to renew its equipment with new-generation missiles, ships, aircraft and submarines. We need the sea lanes to Singapore to be open; hence a capable navy is crucial.

These are sensitive objects that we cannot talk freely about because they would provoke our neighbours. But never forget that the more prosperous and vibrant we are, the more the angst of the people in our region. Our city skyline is ever-changing. We now have one of the most splendid city centres in the world, a marina equivalent to the Piazza in Venice. That is what two famous city planners advised us to do – Kenzo Tange of Japan and I.M. Pei of China (and United States). Because of their separate and independent advice, we reclaimed the bay and made the marina smaller so that each side can see the other side and so it becomes an attractive piazza and not a huge bay.

I wrote a few chapters for a third volume of my memoirs to convince the younger generation that if we are weak, either in our economy or in our armed forces, we are at risk. We are safe because we are sturdy and robust.

I sent these few chapters I had written to Han Fook Kwang. He replied that if I write my thoughts in that way, the younger generation will say, “Ah, it is the same old tune.” He and his colleagues suggested that they put hard questions to me, the kind of doubts and disbeliefs that they have gathered in feedback from a younger generation, and some that they themselves had. They suggested they confront me with these hard questions and get my answers on them.

I hope this book has achieved that purpose. I spent many hours spread over several months. The authors have put them in question-and-answer format so that they do not paraphrase my words. My main message is : if you think I am just a broken record, you may live to regret it. I have lived through many economic and political crises in the region and the world. These have crystallized some fundamental truths for me that we forget or ignore at our peril.

Without a strong economy, there can be no strong defence. Without a strong defence, there will be no Singapore. It will become a satellite, cowed and intimidated by its neighbours. To maintain a strong economy and a strong defence all on a narrow base of a small island with over four million people, the government must be led by the ablest, most dedicated and toughest. The task will become more complex as a more educated and confident electorate believe that Singapore has created a sturdy base and need not be as vulnerable as before. What will never change is that only the best can lead and secure such a Singapore.

Lee Kuan Yew
Singapore
August 2010

Media press statement by George Yeo on Tuesday, 10 May, 2011

Thank you for waiting a couple of days for me to rest before meeting you.

Aljunied voters have decided and I respect their decision. Having committed 23 years of service to the residents, it is only natural for me to feel disappointed but this is politics.

It has been my privilege to have served them all these years and they have enriched my life. They have also enabled me to serve in various capacities as a Cabinet Minister in MITA, Health, MTI and MFA for which I am grateful.

Why did we lose Aljunied?

Mr Low Thia Kiang himself said that they won Aljunied not because the Aljunied team did not do a good job, but because the voters wanted WP to be their voice in Parliament.

Mr Low’s analysis is fair and I agree with him. This desire for a strong WP voice in parliament was a political tide which came in through Aljunied which we were unable to withstand despite our very best efforts. Right from the start, the Workers party made Aljunied a national battleground.

The fight became one between a Workers Party voice in Parliament and an Aljunied team with two ministers, a potential Speaker of Parliament, a potential minister and a most effective Town Council chairman.

Though I wish the outcome had been different, Aljunied voters have made their choice.

Many of my supporters asked me to stay on to win back Aljunied in five years time. I wanted to level with them and told them last night that it is better for a younger person to take on this important task. I’m already 57 years old and would be 62 by then. Naturally I would help to ensure a smooth handover.

As we ended our campaign on 5 May, I talked about the importance of transforming PAP. This is a belief I’ve held for some time. It was not something I felt I could say when the campaign started. But, as the campaign went on, as we heard the growing cry from the heart, I decided to make it plain. Like it or not, we are entering a new phase in Singapore politics development. How we respond to it will decide Singapore’s destiny in the 21st century.

I would help in whatever way I can to bring about this transformation of the PAP. I wish I had a mandate from the people of Aljunied to be a strong advocate of such transformation. But I don’t.

As for remaining in public life, I will contribute in whatever modest way possible.

Many young people have stepped forward to help me in this campaign. Even more have cheered me on. It is not good that so many of them feel alienated from the Singapore they love. I look forward to continue working with them so that the Singapore we struggle for is the Singapore they feel is their own.

As to the actual role I can play, I’ll be happy to respond to them. In the last few years, I have learnt much from my young friends. Often they led me rather than I led them. Since the GE results came out, there has been a flood of support for me expressed personally, through friends and relatives, on email and, in an astonishing way, on internet and FB. The words expressed are heartfelt. Many wrote me long passages, some in tears. I’m grateful for the kind words and the good wishes, and will be an advocate of their cause.

As for what I’ll do professionally after stepping down as Minister when the new Cabinet is sworn in, I’m not rushing to make a decision. My wife and I thought we should take our time to think this over. We also need a break to spend more time with the family.

From the bottom of my heart, I would like to thank the people of Singapore for the opportunity of serving them in the last 23 years.