Soursop & Him

Mommy bought a soursop today and shared a slice with me. I was than reminded that we had one growing outside because He gave it to me.

Back in my room, I put my iTunes on play and the songs lead to more thoughts of Him. Momentarily I made a promise that in future, when I’m somebody, I will tell him that he broke my heart of all days, on my birthday!

I asked Juls if she thought of her Him, but apparently she sees Him everyday. So they talk. Its been awhile since we last had our conversation. My birthday to be exact. How great!

Swan Song

I Don’t Wanna Talk About It
Rod Stewart
I can tell by your eyes that you’ve
probably been crying forever
And the stars in the sky don’t mean
nothing to you they’re a mirror

I don’t wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here won’t you listen to my heart

Oh oh my heart

If I stand all alone will the shadows
hide the colours of my heart
blue for tears, black for the night
fears the stars in the sky
don’t mean nothing to you they’re a mirror

I don’t wanna talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
If I stay here won’t you listen to my heart
Oh oh my heart

Heard this song over the ipod on my way home yesterday. It tugged on my heartstrings and thought of sharing. Perfect for sitting at the balcony of MBS and admiring the night lights of Singapore, with a cigar on one hand and red wine in another.

Thank You Very Much! Merci Beaucop! Gracias! Kamsahamida! Arigato!

When the cab driver couldn’t get me to my destination on time, I knew something was brewing. Even with the help of the GPS, he took me on a tour around the housing estates of Yio Chu Kang before bringing me to my destination half an hour late. The one kosong prata, one egg with onion prata and one teh terik at Casuarina Curry is probably the first and last time for me. Seems as though the upper-beings know how to soften the blow for me by making it my new year’s resolution to move on. Thank you!

I meet the gang for lunch at Tea Cosy. This year, just as I stopped wishing that the 5 of us will gather on my birthday, everyone came and it was pretty smoothsailing for the bestie to organise it (in her words). Maybe the upper-beings had it all planned to cushion the blow even further. Thank you again!

I do not know why I have this silent wish to have all of them present on my birthday (especially so since the recent two years fall on a weekend), just like how I’d wish that my family (all of them) would sing a birthday song for me even now that I’m SO old, yes crazy. It felt like a short get-together (because Serena and I were rushing off to begin out tour around Singapore) but it was heart-warming for me as it was another session of catching up; first for the year at that. Thank you lovelies, I truly appreciate it.

thank you for being the rainbow after the rain and making 09012011 especially memorable for me. love you all. xoxo

After lunch, Serena and I went around Singapore. I shall do that in another post because it’d be ridiculously long right here. On this day, even the weather Gods have been good to me because it rained in the morning to make the walk more barable and it didn’t rain until Serena and I ended our walking tour at Clarke Quay. I’ve indeed been watched over by some upper-beings who love me. Thank you once again!

Cass, Inn and Rab came as a surprise to end the rather trying day. Thank you.! Can’t quite put into words the appreciation I get right there.

Touched to tears by the surprise and mango cake (my all time favorite)!

When they left, I finally opened the present my brother got me and the ang pow my mom gave me and they made me cry.

All through the day, I got messages from YT, YB, JY, Jeremy, LJ, Winnie, EY, William, Andy, HM and Juls (who wanted to be the last to wish me). Thank you for not leaving the message over FB and letting me live the hope that you guys actually cared enough to remember. Thank you. And of course to the people who posted on FB, thank you too for taking the effort. :)

I am blessed. Thank you. Thank you. And besides thank you, I still want to say, thank you. One door did close but I’ve many around me who bothered to make me feel like that closed door is not the end of the world. Thank you!

No Expectation, No Disappointment

That one text was enough to make me fully awake. I’m back. Simple and to the point.

Another text came subsequently as though pre-empting and reads: I am tempted to post on your FB wall “TODAY IS THE TWENTY-SEVENTH”. I replied “So?” before I realised what this day is supposed to mean to me despite the previous text. Suppose because it didn’t feel that important to me anymore. No more excitement, no more expectation so when there was no reply after my text, I wasn’t disappointed.

*pats on the back. Awesome N, simply awesome!

爱需要勇气,爱是情非得已

難以忘記初次見你
一雙迷人的眼睛 在我腦海裡
你的身影 揮散不去
握你的雙手感覺你的溫柔
真的有點透不過氣
你的天真 我想珍惜
看到你受委屈 我會傷心

只怕我自己會愛上你
不敢讓自己靠的太近
怕我沒什麼能夠給你
愛你也需要很大的勇氣

只怕我自己會愛上你
也許有天會情不自禁
想念只讓自己苦了自己
愛上你是我情非得已

難以忘記初次見你
一雙迷人的眼睛 在我腦海裡
你的身影 揮散不去
握你的雙手感覺你的溫柔
真的有點透不過氣
你的天真 我想珍惜
看到你受委屈 我會傷心

只怕我自己會愛上你
不敢讓自己靠的太近
怕我沒什麼能夠給你
愛你也需要很大的勇氣

只怕我自己會愛上你
也許有天會情不自禁
想念只讓自己苦了自己
愛上你是我情非得已

什麼原因 我竟然又會遇見你
我真的真的不愿意
就這樣陷入愛的陷阱

只怕我自己會愛上你
不敢讓自己靠的太近
怕我沒什麼能夠給你
愛你也需要很大的勇氣

只怕我自己會愛上你
也許有天會情不自禁
想念只讓自己苦了自己
愛上你是我情非得已

愛上你是我情非得已

After a rather lengthy talk with LI in the car last night, I suddenly thought of that afternoon when Andy was crooning this at his place and had put this song on repeat the whole day. Yes pretty crazy.

Just read Cass’s entry on her new year resolution, and coupled with the reminder of the news Juls dropped a month ago, I am beginning to wonder if I should be more active than my current passive state or that I should stick with the resolution I told myself I’ll make in 2011 which would put me on the same route as Cass. I guess all these years, he has been my eye candy merely to spice up my life. I have unfortunately not been able to find a suitable replacement. He is on the flight back at the moment and I have told LI that I will be passive and if it leads to something I’ll regret, so be it because right now, I don’t have the energy to pluck up the courage I need to commit to someone.

Ganbatte N!

Fighting…

… for things to stay the way it is.” – Ted from How I Met Your Mother.

Either my life has been full of coincidences, or there are indeed upper beings who never fail to send me a “moral of the story” or “lesson learnt” one way or another in their bid to “control” my life. For it to happen today, I’m thankful.

I’ve always been a sad, pessimistic (or anything negative) individual because of my ability to remember things when most can’t. The alternative concept could be: I was born exceptionally sentimental, as such can recollect with greater ease than other individuals. Both ways, I felt like a stand-alone soldier; often when recollecting the past, I’d be met with this reaction “Really? That happened? I can’t remember.” Except when it comes to the bestie.

Juls shared some news I’d wish I’d never have to hear from a certain LP though I’m quite (or I believe I am) prepared for it having lived it through once. I wish I could say something that will lift her spirits but I couldn’t, because I couldn’t even think of what I’d like to hear when I was told the news sometime back. I did recall not wanting to see or hear anything related to him until… Fortunately for me, it didn’t last but he has never gotten over her.

Juls’ news came amidst my confused or frightened state; I’ve yet to fully grasp the idea that more are moving on to the next chapter and are leaving me behind. She got me thinking though, that change is a constant I have to adapt myself to; bet you have heard it or seen someone post as their Facebook status but that said, its easier said than done. She got me realising that I’ve not spoken to him in ages and this silence seemed very much like the last time just before he broke the news to me…

This time, the upper beings sent the lesson learnt message via How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Episode 8 ‘The Duel’ where Marshall and Ted were sword fighting to find out who gets to keep the flat when Marshall stabbed his incoming fiancee, Lily. I guess people do stupid things to fight changes, but I shall learn to accept them in case I “stab” someone in the process. Juls nicely put it (somewhere along this line) “When one is in that circumstances, what to do? Just accept loh!” (*hugs* for you Juls) I understand how you feel yet don’t understand how you feel because you, unlike me, want to start a family young and I hope that’s God’s way of telling you that someone better is out there waiting for you and its time for you to move your focus to someone else more worthy of you. :)

执迷不悔

這一次我執著面對 任性地沉醉 我並不在乎 這是錯還是對

就算是深陷 我不顧一切 就算是執迷 我也執迷不悔

別說我應該放棄 應該睜開眼 我用我的心 去看去感覺

你並不是我 又怎能了解 就算是執迷 就讓我執迷不悔

我不是你們想的如此完美 我承認有時也會辨不清真偽

並非我不願意走出迷堆 只是這一次 這次是自己而不是誰

要我用誰的心去體會 真真切切地感受周圍

就算疲倦 就算是淚 也是屬於我的傷悲

我還能用誰的心去體會 真真切切地感受周圍

就算疲倦 就算是累 也只能執迷而不悔

別說我應該放棄 應該睜開眼 我用我的心 去看去感覺

你並不是我 又怎能了解 就算是執迷 就讓我執迷不悔

我不是你們想的如此完美 我承認有時也會辨不清真偽

並非我不願意走出迷堆 只是這一次 這次是自己而不是誰

要我用誰的心去體會 真真切切地感受周圍

就算痛苦 就算是淚 也是屬於我的傷悲

我還能用誰的心去體會 真真切切地感受周圍

就算疲倦 就算是累 也只能執迷而不悔

要我用誰的心去體會 真真切切地感受周圍

就算痛苦 就算是淚 也是屬於我的傷悲

我還能用誰的心去體會 真真切切地感受周圍

就算疲倦 就算是累 也只能執迷而不悔

不悔 執迷而不悔 不悔

Lately, as I rebuild my iTunes library, which happens to be quite painful, I came across this song all over again. It used to be something I’d listen to on repeat because the lyrics are simply so beautiful for it is so meaningful. Coupled with Faye Wong’s voice, this song can trigger any raw nerve very easily. I tried going to youtube to link the song for sharing and guess what, the best version I heard is one that is translated to Spanish! The music video has some rather inapt (in my opinion) percussion instrument playing in the background. The live version sounded somewhat breathless (maybe because its the last song being sang for the night) and not in the rhythm I’d like it to be (see second video linked).

I’m sure many of you would love this song as much as I do. Enjoy!

Maybe This Time Its For Real

成功就在放弃的那秒钟 but I’ve chosen to give up because I know I ain’t going to succeed one second later anyway…

And like the bestie would say, you always say you are going to give up but you always never do in the end… This time it should be for real.

MULBERRY ALEXA LOVE

Love at First Sight: 6th January 2010; Tries: Success Only On the 7th; In My Possession: 2nd August 2010

Apologies for another outdated post. I had only found time to write about it in September and when I finally did take pictures of it some weeks later, I had to wait for my iMac to arrive before I could upload the picture here. Hence…

The year has been going rather insanely for me despite only standing at the beginning of September. Amidst all those emotional upheavals, I seek solace in hunting down IT-BAG of 2010 – the Mulberry Alexa. Named after It-Girl Alexa Chung, English model and TV presenter, it looks set to becoming a classic like the Chanel’s Classic Flap, Chanel’s 2.55, Balenciaga’s Motorcycle where year in year out, the style remains constant and in demand but the variety of colours increases.

Since seeing it on 6th January 2010 and knowing that it will be released on the 12th January 2010, I hurriedly seek the help of my in-London friends. They weren’t able to secure me because it flew off the shelf immediate on the 12th. Crazy hur. I was put on the waiting list.

I got to know of a bag concierge who could only put me on the same waiting list. She only got confirmation of the bag after she left the UK which meant I have to pay the shipping and GST charges incurred by the SG customs atop the service charges the concierge charge, exchange rate and credit card commission. No way am I paying so much third party charges to get a bag.

I’d have gotten the bag earlier through the bestie who was in HK and kindly called me to tell me that she had it in front of her. However, because I couldn’t confirm if my in-London friends actually got it (considering that I was on the same wait list twice and being lower on the list was informed that I have the bag its only logical that being higher on the list, I should have the bag too), to be on the safe side, I told her not to get it. I really didn’t want to get 2 exact same bags. Turned out, my in-London friends didn’t get any news about me getting a bag despite being on the wait list.

I panicked cause when I approached my HK friends to help (the bestie has returned home by that time of course), they told me the bag is sold out. Upset max.

I emailed Mulberry UK and they told me they no longer have it online but still have them in store so I made long distance calls to Mulberry UK. Yes I know I should be instituted for being a bagaholic.

First call I made, they told me that my transaction was rejected. I asked for the bag to be put on hold. 24 hours was the dateline. Crap. I learnt that the boutiques can only ship locally (in UK) and that the shipping and billing address has to be the same! I panicked further. I have friends in UK I can ship to no problems at all but the UK debit card I was using had my Singapore address. I was willing to transfer British pounds to them for them to get it for me. Turned out none of them are willing so I risked it and changed my debit card address to my friend’s address. If you wondered how I did it, it was simply because I was still holding onto my UK debit card.

When I called a second time, whilst worried that as time ticks away, I’d be incurring huge phone bills, I was keeping my fingers crossed that the transaction could go through this time. ITS GONE THROUGH! OMG! I SCREAMED. The lady on the other side of the phone could sense my jubilance. She told me: it is really a nice bag. I couldn’t stop giving thanks to her. ITS FINALLY MINE. ALL MINE! (This probably happened in June)

6 whole months of anxiety, hard work, patient/impatient waiting and perseverance to overcome 6 times of failure indeed paid off. I’d like here to thank Amy, Amy’s friend, Jessica, Vincent for helping out in my dream chasing and especially YL for actually checking that the bag gets delivered and actually hand carrying it back home for me. THANK YOU GUYS.

Now for the moment you guys have been waiting for. My regular Alexa in Ink from the very first Alexa Collection of Mulberry’s 2010 Spring-Summer Collection.

Mulberry Alexa in Ink from Mulberry Spring-Summer 2010

This bag became extra special when she “granted” me a last and definitely unforgettable evening with him before he left.

Greatest Love Of All

Would love to have someone who would walk the rest of my life with me just like he did with you…

For the first time in my recollection, C, Hwee, HP liked my fb status, whilst LJ thought it sweet. Its the absolute truth in how I feel…

Lately I’ve become less cynical, or am I only cynical as a self-defense mechanism?

From her, I learnt that I can indeed be the lawyer and the housewife contrary to what L thinks; he had said I can only choose and be one or the other, not both. From her, I learnt that even if the lady is indeed smarter, she must be smart enough to keep that trait hidden as much as she can. From her, I learnt I wasn’t weird to walk 2 steps behind him, just unknowingly wanting to be that woman behind the successful man. From her, I learnt the importance of balancing between being a traditional woman; being Chinese and being the modern woman because I’m educated. rip.

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